Our latest parenting conundrum has been how to help Joseph give up his pacifier. This is no small feat.
Joe will turn 3 next month. He has a pacifier at his nap and overnight. He’s very attached to it. We tried giving it up cold-turkey when he turned 2 – misery! After 5 nights of suffering – each night ending with us giving in and letting him use a paci – we decided to put the kibosh on weaning and try later.
“Later” has arrived. I read various online articles about paci weaning starting last month and, in the end, we’ve opted for a mix of a few different techniques. We started it at the beginning of this month, May, and it’s going well thus far. Here’s what we’ve been doing…
1. We talk to him about it a lot. Joe has always been pretty verbal. He loves to chat and to have us chat right back. We’ve been working to remember to talk about giving up the paci all throughout the day and not just at nap/bedtime. This has put a bit more of a burden on us to remember, but the more we talk about it, the more he seems to understand.
2. We read to him about it. This goes along with talking. Joe loves books, so it plays to one of his strengths and favorite pastimes. Here are the books we’ve been reading…
Pictured are…
Another book with good reviews is “Pacifiers Are Not Forever”, by E. Verdick.
Joe loves hearing the stories, helping me turn pages, looking at the pictures, and sitting next to me. It’s a fun, no-stress thing and yet another way to get the message through: it’s time to give up your pacifier. Within a few days of reading to him, I noticed a change in his behavior. He began to correct me whenever I praised him by saying that he was “such a big boy”. He’d say, “I’m not a big boy yet.” He was beginning to understand that “being a big boy” and “giving up your pacifier” went hand in hand.
3. Say it with a song. Joe loves to sing. I found an Elmo song about giving up your pacifier and we’ve begun to sing it. This is another way that helps him understand while using a method he enjoys.
4. We give choices. Granted, the choices are limited, but Joe still has a say. When we first began, I asked if he wanted to go without a paci for a little bit today or wait till tomorrow. He chose tomorrow. I asked if he wanted his paci kept in the cupboard or on the closet shelf with the closet light turned on. He chose the closet shelf. If he starts to fuss and ask for his paci, I remind him that he wanted it on the closet shelf and that if he looks, he can see it there.
5. There are mild consequences. We started by having Joe go without a paci for 5 minutes at naps, but this was dependent on him (a) staying in bed under the covers and (b) being quiet. I don’t expect him to be motionless or silent – he loves to sing in bed and he’s a wiggle worm – but if he starts to fuss and tell me that he needs his paci, I remind him of what he’s expected. I also remind him that if he chooses not to do those things, then I’ll add time onto the timer. I gradually stretched out those 5 minutes to 7 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes at the start of naps.
6. I’ve been more patient. It’s easy to forget how hard it is to be a toddler. Joe loves his paci and doesn’t understand why he can’t keep using it, other than “he’s a big boy”. It’s confusing to have an adult, even one who loves him, say he can’t use it anymore. Breaking a well-ingrained habit is hard, but breaking it without understanding the benefit behind it is even harder. So, I’m gentler. I read extra books at nap time. I give lots of cuddles when he’s having a hard time about it. I say how proud I am and focus on praise rather than punishment.
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There’s our method. Will it work? Only time will tell, but I have high hopes. Monday was his first paci-free nap. It wasn’t the best nap, but he did (mostly) stay in bed, and there were no tears 🙂
Some other suggested weaning methods that I read about include (1) creating a star chart, where each time your child goes without their paci at nap/bed time, they get a star; 5 stars in a row = a prize. (2) Snip a small piece of the paci off each night, so that eventually the paci is gone. (3) Set a “Give Up Your Pacifier” day and have your child mark it on the calendar. Make a countdown and build excitement behind it each time you cross off a day. (4) Do a “pacifier trade”, where they trade their pacifier for a special prize. I think that all of these can work really well – it just depends on what fits best with your parenting style and your child!
If you have some experience to share, I’d love to hear it! Since this is still an “in process” thing, I’m open to suggestions for what else might work well 🙂
